I’ve continued to enjoy having a great time with my daughters this past week. I got some “1-on-1″ time at a local coffee shop with my older daughter Wednesday evening before she left on Thursday, and good honest talks with her on other occasions. Now it’s just me and the “little one” (18 year old) until this Thursday when she leaves and- hallelujah!- Lesa returns. Have had some good talks with her as well.
This has all been gratifying in the extreme. If I were to be so rash as to offer advice to newly-divorced non-custodial fathers, it might include:
1) Don’t Panic! (ala “Hitchhikers’ Guide to the Universe”). No matter how bad, how hopeless your present situation seems, nothing stays the same; God is capable of unimaginable, incomprehensible feats of mercy, healing, redemption and reconciliation. So,
2) Have faith. “The just shall walk by faith, not by sight”. If I had believed that what I saw was all there was, I’d have simply gone mad (and felt like I came close enough anyhow). I simply cannot comprehend how folks outside the Faith, when confronted with devastating loss, find reason to justify carrying on in the face of so much pain.
3) Have a life. I mean, a life of your own, not as a pathetic hanger-on at the periphery of your children’s lives, begging forlornly for crumbs of attention from their table. Get on with it- everything that was before is ash and rubble, so take the opportunity to start over. Re-evaluate everything. If you create a life that you love, you will- naturally and inevitably- become an attractive and interesting person that your children will want to get to know.
4) Don’t expect respect if you don’t respect yourself. Alcohol and self-pity are a deadly combination- and tobacco really isn’t much help either. Check the amount of sleep you’re getting. Too much is often a sign of depression (Well, “Duh!” the reader thinks. But just because it’s entirely justifiable doesn’t mean it isn’t depression, and doesn’t mean you need to be stuck there). Too little sleep may indicate you’re avoiding the demons that come in the night hours, when your awareness of being alone is most excruciatingly unavoidable. Either way, do whatever you need to do to get the help you need to get.
And speaking of sleep, it is already waaaaay past my bedtime. I had absolutely no idea this post would turn out this way… interesting how that happened.
God bless!
Filed under: Christianity, Family, Life, Personal, Religion
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